The Last Review
by Deader than the Doornail
Summary: Naruto, Sasuke, and their respective families gather in the Uzumaki's living room in order to enjoy a movie night. Due to the insistent pleading of Sarada and Himawari, "Naruto: The Last" is rented for the occasion. And though the love story is a piece of history, that will not keep certain family members from commenting, mocking, and ridiculing the film. Rated T for Freud.


**Tsuna 4 Cn4s**

 **Naruto Fanfiction**

 **December 29, 2015**

 **Author's note: The following commentary was recorded by myself, while watching** _ **Naruto: The Last**_ **alongside my close friends, the Uchiha and Uzumaki families. Thus, I am in no way responsible for comments this audience may find offensive—don't shoot the messenger.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_.**

* * *

 _The Last Review_

Naruto, Sasuke, and their respective families have gathered together in the Uzumaki's living room in order to enjoy a movie night. Due to the insistent pleads of Sarada Uchiha and Himawari Uzumaki, _Naruto: The Last_ has been rented for the evening, and the children—even Boruto—are excited to witness the love story of Naruto and Hinata.

* * *

 **The opening theme of the movie plays, reviewing the history of the Shinobi's world through dramatic narration, action, and tearful tales of best friends betraying one another.**

Sasuke turns to Naruto and says, "What do you think of their choice of _Greensleeves_ as the opening theme?"

"Well, you know," Naruto shrugs, grinning nervously, "I think it's a little presumptuous of them to indirectly compare my birth to, uh, well, Christ's. It's a little awkward…"

"'A little'?" Sakura repeats, motioning Sarada to follow her mother further down the couch cushions. "I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the lightning to strike!"

"But it's not my fault!" Naruto whines.

" _Shush!_ " Boruto ends the conversation by pressing his finger to his mouth. "I can't hear!"

* * *

 **On screen, several children are bullying a young Naruto, who is trying to defend Hinata.**

Sasuke snorts loudly. "Did you hear what that dweeb on screen just called Hinata? A 'Byakugan monster'? Boy! do you think that was a _Bakugan_ reference? I hope so. I like references."

Sakura stares at Sasuke. "Really? Some runt takes out his frustration caused by restrained sexual tension on poor innocent Hinata, and THAT'S the comment you make?"

But Sasuke says nothing. The confused glances turn on Sakura.

Now Sakura snorts. "I'm taking a night school course in psychology." Then glaring at Sasuke, "It's not like I'm going out every night—or ever!"

"Oh boy." Sasuke sighs. "Click the video."

* * *

 **On screen, Naruto tries to frightening the bullies by summoning shadow clones. However, much to young Naruto's chagrin, his three shadow clones are born three inches tall.**

"Naruto, what happened?" Sasuke exclaims, pointing at the screen. "How were you better at that just when you were seven then when you were actually graduating the academy!"

"At least they look like Naruto!" Sakura screams with laughter. "You should have stuck with that mini-clone jutsu—think how useful it would have been to have a hundred tiny Narutoes running all over the enemy!"

"And spying!" suggests Hinata, also laughing, "and doing housework! And they're so adorable!"

"And they probably would have gotten bigger as Naruto grew." Sarada says, happy to contribute to the adults's conversation.

Naruto slams his fist on the pause button and the movie resumes.

Soon after the last interruption, Sakura covers her ears and screams, "What is that!? What is that awful buzzing that invests every anime and _Harvest Moon_?"

Hinata answers simply, "It's the universal sound effect for bugs, Sakura."

"It's terrible! Someone, fetch the freaken' bug zapper!"

" _ **Shush**_!" Boruto and his father exclaim together. " _ **I can't hear**_!"

* * *

 **On screen, Iruka asks the classroom of young ninjas who they each would like to spend their last day on Earth with, should the world end.**

"Hello, cute little boys and girls! I know your heads are full of sweet things like teddy bears and candies and cupcakes and ice cream, so now I'm gonna take all those pretty little thoughts and shoot them right to Hell, okay~?"

Naruto glares at Sasuke. "Iruka-sensei didn't say any of that, Sasuke!"

"It was implied!" Sasuke retorts. "We were, like, eight years old, and he wanted to know our millennium plans?"

"The millennium has passed, Sasuke," Sakura says, "and you're fine."

"But they don't know that!" Sasuke points at the children on screen.

"I can't hear!" Sarada complains.

"Do people usually get graded on their crushes in school?" Hinata wonders softly.

* * *

 **Naruto, pictured as a young boy, then a teenager, and finally as a young man flashes across the screen, accompanied by dramatic music and scenery.**

"They grow up so fast!" Sasuke says, wiping fake tears from his eyes.

" **Shut up…** " everyone groans.

* * *

" _Naruto: The Last,"_ Sarada reads the on-screen title aloud.

"Is Dad gonna die at the end?" Boruto asks eagerly.

No one replies, though they glance at Naruto, sitting healthy and happy and choking on popcorn in a corner of the sofa.

* * *

"Oh my gosh!" Naruto exclaims sometime later, when the genin girls have crowded against the Academy's open windows in order to fawn over him from afar. "I sure hope somebody caught that girl who fell outa the window…"

* * *

"Aw~!" exclaims Sakura snootily, at the site of the ramen shop. "There's a kiddie table for Kiba and Shino—adorable! Too bad they're not here to enjoy it."

 _Click!_

"No problem," says Sasuke, iPhone in hand. "I've had it immortalized."

Sakura giggles and Sasuke cackles. Naruto's eye twitches. _He's a terrible influence on her!_

* * *

 **A quiet scene of Hinata knitting comes on screen.**

"Ick… Hinata," murmurs Sasuke, "were you pinning!"

"Pinning?" repeats Hinata, blushing. "I was not!"

"You were _nineteen_ , but dressed so frumpy! Did you see Ino a few scenes back? That is how a nineteen year old should dress."

"Oh really?" Sakura asks, glowering.

"Really?" Sarada asks, looking excited.

"… Maybe just sometimes in a few very special and rare situations?" Sasuke concedes softly.

* * *

"Hinata," Sakura asks a little while later, "why did you wait ten years to begin knitting a new scarf for Naruto?"

"She's a slow learner," Sasuke answers. "Don't bully her!"

"Just shut up already!" Naruto exclaims.

* * *

 **On screen, Sakura meets Hinata exiting the craft shop. Guessing Hint's errand, Sakura enthusiastically encourage's Hinata confession to Naruto.**

" _Lucy!_ " Sasuke shouts at Sakura in a very heavy, very fake accent. " _How many times have I told you not to butt into other people's business?"_

Sarada glares at her father. "Papa, why are you yelling at Mom in a terrible French accent?"

Sasuke falls back into the couch cushions and pouts. "It wasn't French.." he mutters.

* * *

 **Sai sits on screen, sketching the moon.** _ **"It looks larger than usual…"**_ **he says.**

Sasuke snorts. "So draw it bigger!"

* * *

 **The screen shifts to Hinata, who has finished knitting the scarf and is immediately rushing for the door, eager to give Naruto her gift.** _ **"My feelings will certainly get through to Naruto!"**_ **she thinks.** _ **"… Or will they?"**_ **Hinata turns around and begins to trudge back to her room.**

"That's it, Honey—self-confidence!" Sasuke exclaims.

" **Yes!** " everyone cheers as Hinata walks towards the door.

" **No…!** " everyone screams as Hinata walks away from the door.

" **Yes!** "

" **No…!** "

" **Yes!** "

" **No…!** "

Hinata stands up and skips some seconds of the movie. "St-stop it!"

* * *

 **On screen, Hanabi shows Hinata her decorated kunai.**

"A true sign of adulthood—decking out one's weapons with bobblehead keychains." Naruto murmurs.

"Don't _you_ start!" exclaims Sakura.

* * *

 **On screen, Naruto invites his fan club to sit with him.**

Sakura and Sarada punch Naruto on the shoulder. " **Womanizer!** " they exclaim together.

"I… was just trying to be… polite…" Naruto whimpers.

* * *

 **Sakura and Hinata walk home together, the former bashing Naruto for his denseness. Hint asks Sakura why she is so encouraging about Hinata's feelings for Naruto.**

"Oooh, ooh!" Sasuke exclaims, perking up. "Is it 'cause of me?"

* * *

 **The scene shifts momentarily to show a shadowy figure wandering in a barren desert that only an idiot would get purposefully lost in.**

"It's me!" Sasuke yells triumphantly.

"Can't remember why…" Sakura mutters. But she is smiling.

* * *

 **During the scene where Hanabi is kidnapped, the children throw in their own comments.**

"You have a lot of random doors in your house." Sarada tells Hinata.

"Sai has amazing eye-sight!" Boruto exclaims.

* * *

 **On screen, Hinata practices confessing her love to Naruto.**

"There is nothing more pathetic," Sasuke says, "then someone who has to _practice_ confessing their love."

* * *

 **A few moments later, Hinata runs away from Naruto, while he stands under the lamplight and shouts after her.**

"There is nothing more pathetic," Sakura says, teeth ground tight together, "then someone who can't _**read between the lines! CHA!**_ "

And Sakura begins to beat on Naruto and Sasuke, cursing mankind. And Hinata takes the children into the other room. And together, they quietly finish the movie.

 _ **The End.**_

* * *

 **Ending note: I'm sorry, I had to end it there! It took me an HOUR to watch and comment on just the first seventeen minutes of the movie. If I owned** _ **The Last**_ **on DVD, I would have eventually continued this fanfic. But, sadly, I had only a twenty-four hour rental. Sorry! But I hope you enjoyed** _ **The Last Review**_ **—know how you can let me know if you did like it? By leaving your own review!** _ **Gasp!**_


End file.
